Hello mga friendship!

Kamusta na kayo? How’s your vacation? Well, if you ask me, eto at medyo kakulay ko na ang puwet ng kaldero sa aming kusina sa sobrang itim dahil nababad ang inyong lingkod sa araw noong nakaraang semana santa. Hindi dahil sa ako ay nagbakasyon kundi dahil nagbenta po ako ng mga kakanin at isdang tuyo sa talipapa ng barrio. You know naman, maraming turista kapag semana santa kaya sinamantala ko na ang pagkakataon to earn extra. Hahaha!

Anyway, tulad ng nakasulat sa pamagat ng post na ito, nabigyan po ako ng pagkakataon na ma-interview ang kapita-pitagang kritiko slash etchosera slash resident bruhang social climber ng Barrio Siete. Walang iba kundi si Eklat! Oo mga friendship, si Eklat nga.

Sa mga hindi familiar kay Eklat lalo na sa mga bagong salta ng barrio, siya po ang nagmamaganda at nagmamarunong na reader slash contributor ng barrio.

Na-interview ko po siya dahil napadpad siya sa aming talipapa noong weekend kaya nagmadali akong i-introduce ang aking sarili at naging maganda naman po ang kanyang pakikitungo sa akin despite her image of being a cruel and unforgiving person in real life.

Eto na po, hindi ko na patatagalin pa. Narito ang aking interview with the one and only Eklat.

Mel: Hello Miss Eklat! How are you today?

Eklat: Who are you? Don’t go near me you ugly creature. Guards!

Mel: Juice ko po Miss Eklat, huwag niyo po akong ipapabugbog sa inyong mga bodyguards. Ako po si Mel, writer po ako ng Barrio Siete.

Eklat: So what? I don’t talk to barriotic people.

Mel: Miss Eklat, I read all your contributions to Barrio Siete and I’m your number one fan!

Eklat: Really? I have fans?

Mel: Yes Miss Eklat, lots of fans. (whispering: luka-luka na, uto-uto pa.)

Eklat: Well in that case, what can I do for you my dear fan?

Mel: Miss Eklat, I want to ask you a few questions regarding your opinion on certain issues that our country is currently facing right now. Would that be okay?

Eklat: Sure, go ahead.

Mel: Thank you Miss Eklat. First question, who do you think is the most capable among the presidentiables?

Eklat: You know what, that is a very hard first question ha. Pero sige, I’ll try to answer that.
As you all know, my mother, the congresswoman is still under the Lakas Kampi-CMD Party of Pres. Gloria Arroyo so most likely my choice for the presidency would be the one that our president chooses. And that presidentiable is none other than Manny Villar.

Mel: Oh! I thought it’s Gibo Teodoro?

Eklat: No! That’s preposterous! Gibo is just a dummy. Everybody knows Pres. Gloria Arroyo is rooting for Manny Villar since their meeting late last year.

Mel: That’s quite a revelation Miss Eklat. Anyway, second question. What can you say about Manny Pacquiao running for Congress?

Eklat: Honestly, I really don’t care but because I’m friends with Jinkee I’d like her to be happy. You know everytime Manny wins a boxing fight, Jinkee goes shopping afterwards. If Manny wins as Congress representative, he won’t be able to fight na so it means lesser time for Jinkee to go on a shopping spree.

Mel: Speaking of Manny Pacquiao, what can you say about that Adam Carolla guy?

Eklat: He is fugly and insecure and I have no more nice words to say about that scum of the earth so I’ll just say, next question please.

Mel: Hahaha! You are so funny Miss Eklat. Next question. Sa local candidates naman po, sino ang iboboto niyo bilang mayor ng Quezon City. Si Herbert Bautista or si Mike Defensor?

Eklat: Why would you ask me that question? I don’t live in QC, I live in Makati! Ask me about our mayoralty candidates in Makati and not those in QC. You sound like this maid of a friend who’s very critical to the candidacy of one Herbert Bautista to the point of making a blog to destroy the said candidate when in fact she’s not even a resident of Quezon City but a resident of Marikina. That tadpole should be admitted to a mental institution.

Mel: Sorry po Miss Eklat. (whispering: may araw ka din bruha ka.)

Eklat: What’s your next question? Make it fast, I have an appointment with my psychiatrist in an hour.

Mel: Eto na nga po. Who are your top five choices for senator?

Eklat: Just five?

Mel: Hindi ka naman bingi noh? Five nga eh.

Eklat: (shocked but still graceful) Oh okay. Well, my first choice would be Miriam Santiago because she’s insanely intelligent, eloquent, well-dressed and most importantly she’s Ilongga. Second in my list is Juan Ponce Enrile because he wants me to be happy. Third, Risa Hontiveros, because she’s smart, brave and super down to earth. Fourth is Sonia Roco because I love teachers. And last but not the least, Mr. Adel Tamano because I want a Muslim representation in the senate and I read from someone’s twitter, his dimples are worth voting for.

Mel: Ay, pareho tayo ng choices Miss Eklat!

Eklat: Yes because you’re so gaya-gaya kasi. Wala kang originality. You’re like that new political ad of Manny Villar na copied from an Argentinian political ad.

Mel: Speaking of the devil, what can you say about that issue?

Eklat: Everybody copies everybody. Just make sure that yours is better than the ‘original’. In the case of Manny Villar’s copied version, it’s quite good so it’s okay. But you know what, I still prefer his ad with children ‘swimming in basura’. It’s very catchy even Baby James blurted the wrong words during his uncle’s campaign rally.

Mel: Oo nga po. Do you like Kris Aquino?

Eklat: I like her mother. I admire his father. We have the same stylist. I once dated his husband. That’s all.

Mel: Talaga? You dated his husband?

Eklat: Did I say that? Make that off the record or I’ll scratch your eyes.

Mel: (scary ka lola). Yes of course, Miss Eklat, off the record. (wish mo lang bruha ka.)
What about the controversy behind the dethronement of Maria Venus Raj as the Philippine representative to the Miss Universe pageant, do you think the Bb. Pilipinas Charities, Inc. made the right decision?

Eklat: I think that girl from Bicol is a goddess. She deserves the title, crown and the country’s support. What the BPCI did is unjust, cruel and hypocrisy to the highest level. They knew the inconsistencies all along. Why now? Because their bet didn’t win? That girl replacing Maria Venus Raj is fat as a butter.

Mel: Ay, ang sama naman ng sinabi mo Miss Eklat.

Eklat: Honey, truth hurts.

Mel: Anyway, last question na lang po at marami pa akong ibebenta sa talipapa. What can a Filipino do to make this country a better place to live in?

Eklat: This coming May 10, go out and vote. Be careful with the choices you are going to make and make sure to shade properly.

Mel: Thank you very much for your time Miss Eklat. I wish I am as beautiful and smart as you are.

Eklat: Pray harder darling.

At diyan nagtatapos ang aking interview with Eklat. Sana mapadpad ulet siya sa talipapa ng barrio at nang ma-interview ko siya ulet.

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Mel is is the ‘gurl’ behind “The Misadventures of Mel Beckham”. ‘She’ graduated with a double major in Management and Entrepreneurship. ‘She’ grew up in the city but now lives in the bukid near barrio siete juggling work as a farm manager, office secretary, messenger, construction worker, housemaid, make-up artist and babysitter. Despite ‘her’ busy schedule, ‘she’ finds the time to blog in between work, and errands using ‘her’ primitive mobile phone. ‘She’ plans to take ‘her’ MBA soon but ‘her’ multiple jobs prevent ‘her’ from doing so unless going to school will get ‘her’ paid to pay for ‘her’ utangs. Before ‘she’ dies, ‘she’ hopes of owning a pair of Louboutins, and landing on the cover of Vogue, kahit sa Vogue India lang. Whichever comes first.