Just when we thought we’ve satisfied all our readers by giving our very best in each article here in Barrio Siete, meron pa rin pala kaming kakulangan.

As you all know, well pati na rin sa mga hindi pa nakakaalam, Elaine Katherine Lourdes Anna Theresa, Eklat for short, is one of our avid critic here in Barrio Siete. Her yaya, Yaya Indira is one of our avid readers. Eklat wrote to us before and her main concern then was our style of writing here that made her yaya “unhealthy and unsociable”. Read her first “unhappy” letter here. You’ve been warned.

photo credit: Patrick Harbron/The CW via InStyle

Anyway, our super duper sushal resident critic is back with another letter. A letter of complaint or praise? Well, kayo na ang bahala.

Read on.

Bonjour les gens de Barrio Siete,

Hi. Comment allez vouz to all of you? Good day. Voulez vous couche avec moi, cest oi. How are you? I’m fine thank you. How about you?

This is Eklat. Still remember me? I know you do. I’m your resident Barrio Siete sushal critic. You are probably surprised and wondering why I wrote again. Well don’t be. Surprise is an understatement. Shocking is the most appropriate word for this because I myself could not believe what I am about to reveal to you.

I am now a regular reader of Barrio Siete. Don’t bother to check your Recent Readers feature because you won’t find me there. I’m so sushal that I can hide myself from the expertise of your resident techies here, or as you may call it, the tanods.

Barrio Siete is one of my guilty pleasures now. You are like the ice on my whiskey. The lemon with my tequila. The cherry on my rhum. The chicken wings with my brandy. For the record, I am not lasengga. I only drink 4 or 5 times a week. I am just an occasional drinker.

I wrote because I want to tell you a lot of things that happened to me ever since I wrote that letter a few weeks ago.

I want to inform you that I pulled out Yaya Indira from her weekly therapy and detoxification. I admit that putting her under therapy to bring back the sushal in her is a mistake. I realized that your blog is her only connection to her provincial roots which is her source of happiness. It’s like, depriving myself of shopping in New York or Milan. My mom, the congresswoman, has instilled in me the importance of looking back at your roots. To where you come from. I remember the old Tagalog saying, “Ang taong hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan, ay may stiff neck”. Or something to that effect. That saying is very important to me.

I love my yaya so much. You all know that. She’s been taking care of me for many years. She was there during my first online shopping at Luisa Via Roma. She was there when I received my very first Hermes Kelly. She went with me when I was sent to rehab. My love for her is like my love for that exquisite pair of Christian Louboutin for Rodarte heels.

That’s how I love my yaya that’s why I am giving her the liberty to read your blog every now and then. And now, I am hooked up too.

Sometimes, when Yaya Indira and I read your articles together. It’s like our bonding moment. Better than spa on a weekend.

The thing is, I’m a bit disappointed pa rin.

My concerns stated in my first letter is still not addressed. You know, the balahura use of the English language is still present and widely used. The overwhelming and inappropriate use of gay lingo in some of your political articles. I mean, when you talk about politics, it’s supposed to be a serious issue, right? My mom, the congresswoman, doesn’t like that. I don’t like that. By the way, you haven’t retracted your accusations against my mom. I want to make it clear again that she is not seeking for the administration’s help. She is even in the frontline in making pansin that controversial dinner of the president and her puppies in Le Cirque. I mean, hello? That place is like 48,000 years old noh. My mom and I wouldn’t want to be seen dining there even though that place is sushal daw. Spending the people’s money for a sushal dinner is like spending my yaya’s whole month’s salary for coffee. That is so inhumane.

I also noticed that issue regarding a so-called contest about Emerging Influential Bloggers. Well, you know what, I can feel your pain. I know exactly how you feel. I was once a prom queen runner up you know. If it makes you feel better I want to tell you that most of my sushal friends in the village reads Barrio Siete. Does the family names Sy, Tan, Zobel de Ayala, Caktiong, Gokongwei, Cojuangco, Razon, Ty, Villar, Yap, Azcona, Campos, Virata and Lopez ring a bell? Well, they are just a few of your lurkers so don’t feel bad already. You have influenced sushal readers than any of those self-proclaimed emerging influential ones. The organizer of that contest, my gosh, I don’t even know her. She’s not sushal.

Another issue that I would like to raise is a very important one. This involves the proper use of grammar in several of your posts. I noticed some readers are quite unhappy and vocal about it. I know, I am not the authority in addressing this concern because I myself is not perfect and my writing skills are flawed like the face of Vicki Belo who ironically owns a beauty clinic. But this is just the least of my concern. I am a sushal person and I am entitled to make blunders like my American counterpart, Paris Hilton. That incident with a grammar nazi is disturbing. Yaya Indira was so scared you know. So scared she was having nightmares for many nights. It reminded her of her English 101 professor in her MBA class in Ateneo kasi. That professor was so scary. Feeling perfect when in fact she herself was contradicting herself in class. Good thing yaya dropped her MBA studies and went with me in Beijing.

My point is, nobody’s perfect. You are not perfect. Marc Jacobs is not perfect. La Kapitana is not perfect. Nakabitin ang falloppian tubes nya between his legs. Your readers are not perfect. I am not perfect, I’m just sushal. It is not healthy to give so much critique. Nakaka-krung krung yan. And when you end up with too much krung-krung in your head, chances are you’ll end up in a clinique. And I’m not talking about the cosmetic label. Clinique, as in the place for people with too much happiness in their heads. Oh how I miss that place. I can only reminisce.

Finally, I would like to congratulate you for your achievements. Your statistics are amazing considering that you’ve just started barely 4 months ago. You are like Esteban Cortazar when he started in Ungaro. I hope you won’t end up like him though.

If you think that I am already a happy reader because of this letter, think again. My doctors just injected something in my system that’s why I’m less critical towards you now. Thank my mom, the congresswoman, for this. We are on our way to a sushal charity event that’s why I’m very charitable now in terms if criticising you.

I will be back and that’s for sure so prepare yourself because I might unleash the worst in me next time. That’s all.

You know you love me.

XOXO,
Eklat

Well, well, well. Akala natin ay totally masaya na si Eklat dito sa Barrio. Hindi pa pala. Anyway, maraming salamat na rin sa mga papuri niya. In fairness, medyo mabait na si Eklat sa atin ngayon at kumakampi na rin siya.

To Eklat and Yaya Indira, thank you for patronizing our blog. Makakaasa kayo na pagbubutihin pa namin ang pambabalahura, este, pagsusulat ng mga artikulo.

Regards to all your sushal friends and take care ‘coz we care. Sabi nga ni John Lloyd, INGAT!

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Mel is is the ‘gurl’ behind “The Misadventures of Mel Beckham”. ‘She’ graduated from Brokenshire College with a double major in Management and Entrepreneurship. ‘She’ grew up in the city but now lives in the bukid near barrio siete juggling work as a farm manager, office secretary, messenger, construction worker, housemaid, make-up artist and babysitter. Despite ‘her’ busy schedule, ‘she’ finds the time to blog in between work, and errands using ‘her’ primitive mobile phone. ‘She’ plans to take ‘her’ MBA soon but ‘her’ multiple jobs prevent ‘her’ from doing so unless going to school will get ‘her’ paid to pay for ‘her’ utangs. Before ‘she’ dies, ‘she’ hopes of owning a pair of Louboutins, and landing on the cover of Vogue, kahit sa Vogue India lang. Whichever comes first.